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California to Consider Banning Flamin’ Hot Cheetos

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos may soon be outlawed in California public schools.

A new bill would ban food products that contain artificial dyes – including the main ingredients that make Cheetos flaming hot.

Assemblymember Jesse Gabriel introduced the legislation. He’s a Democrat.

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“The science is complicated but the purpose of the bill is not,” he said at a press conference. “This is about protecting our students from chemicals that have been proven to harm children and interfere with their ability to learn.” 

Lawmakers say young minds are also harmed by the chemical ingredients in Jolly Ranchers, Froot Loops and Mountain Dew.

Leave it to Democrats to suck what little joy is left inside public schools.

“This is not a food ban,” Gabriel said. “This is not banning Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in California.” 

But it is about banning delicious snacks from public schools. So, don’t be surprised if security guards are demanding to inspect the fingers of students entering classrooms. Any child with cheese-stained fingers will get sent to detention!

First they came for the Cheetos, but I did not speak out because I don’t eat Cheetos. Then, they came for the Sour Cream and Onion Pringles, but I did not speak out because I don’t eat Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. And then they came for the pork rinds but there was no one to speak out – and now I’ve got the munchies.

Be sure to order my new book – endorsed by President Trump. It’s called “Twilight’s Last Gleaming: Can America Be Saved?” It’s available at your favorite bookstore.

Should public schools ban Flamin' Hot Cheetoes?

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