Beto O’Rourke Is “Cheese Slid Off the Cracker” Crazy

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There’s really no polite way to say this ladies and gentlemen, but Robert Francis O’Rourke is slap crazy. I mean ‘tetched-in-the-head, front porch light is on but nobody’s home, cheese done slid off the cracker’ crazy.

In the days following his soul crushing loss to Sen. Ted Cruz, Robert Francis embarked on a journey of self discovery. Somewhere in the state of New Mexico, the fake Mexican ate dirt. That’s not a euphemism — the man literally feasted on soil.

The Washington Post reports Robert Francis believed the dirt had special powers – regenerative powers.



In that same profile — we learned he plucked a turd from his child’s diaper – placed it in a bowl and told his wife it was an avocado. It was an April Fool’s joke. Dude.

There’s something seriously wrong with this guy.

Let’s put aside his bizarre political policies – for just a minute and focus on Robert Francis – the man.

He belonged to a computer hacking club and had an affinity for writing creepy child murder fiction. He’s also got a mouth that would make Lena Dunham blush.



Oh yeah, he also owns a remote-controlled cockroach. It must be a laugh-a-minute, chuckle-fest in the O’Rourke household.

What is this – a presidential campaign or a national cry for help?

In spite of his affinity for poop pranks and dirt sandwiches, Democrats seem to believe this man is the nation’s next great hope.

By the way – Robert Francis wants voters to know that he is not completely void of a moral compass. He recently assured an audience that he has never done LSD.

Quite frankly, that’s not at all reassuring.



Because that means Robert Francis was stone sober and of sound mind when he ate a dirt sandwich and he tried to serve his wife that bowl full of turds.

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