CNN Fears Trump Might Put Staffers in Figure-Four Leg Lock
President Trump dropped the Mother of All Tweets on CNN Sunday morning — leaving shellshocked staffers drooling uncontrollably in their designated safe spaces.
The president posted video from an appearance he made in 2007 at WrestleMania. The video showed the president body slamming a person whose face was obscured with the CNN logo.
The presidential tweet included the hashtag, “FraudNewsCNN.”
The Mainstream Media suffered a mental breakdown.
CNN commentator and “Faux Republican” Ana Navarro was beyond horrified — telling ABC News the “President of the United States is inciting violence against a free press.”
“It is an incitement to violence. He is going to get someone killed in the media,” Ms. Navarro wailed.
CNN released the following statement:
“The network later released the following full statement: “It is a sad day when the President of the United States encourages violence against reporters.
“Clearly, Sarah Huckabee Sanders lied when she said the President had never done so. Instead of preparing for his overseas trip, his first meeting with Vladmir Putin, dealing with North Korea and working on his health care bill, he is instead involved in juvenile behavior far below the dignity of his office. We will keep doing our jobs. He should start doing his.”
Apparently CNN is not aware that “professional wrasslin'” is um — well — let’s just say it has something in common with “fake news.”
I imagine the CNN assignment desk must be overwhelmed as they prepare their wall-to-wall coverage of the president’s tweet.
Reporters are trying to figure out if there’s a difference between a clothesline and an atomic elbow drop. Anderson Cooper is hunting down Jerry “The King” Lawler’s cell phone number.
And I have no doubt that the next time Little Jimmy Acosta decides to badger and bully the president’s staff — deep in the caverns of his mind — he’ll be pondering this question: Would President Trump really lock me up in the dreaded cross-legged Boston crab?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 2, 2017