‘Granny, You Owe $45.32 for Thanksgiving Dinner. Cash or Credit?’
The following is a transcript of Todd’s morning commentary, heard on hundreds of radio stations around the nation.
Hello Americans, I’m Todd Starnes. Stand by for news and commentary next.
The White House is dismissing concerns about the historic cost of Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Up 14 percent this year.
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki brushed aside those concerns during her daily press briefing.
“I don’t know if you’ve ever cooked a turkey before, but a twenty-pound turkey is a pretty big turkey, I think we can all agree,” she said. “They’re about $1 more.”
Clearly, Ms. Psaki has not been grocery shopping lately at the Piggly Wiggly.
“I just want to be clear that there’s an abundance of turkeys available, about $1 more for a 20-pound bird, which is a huge bird, if you’re feeding a very big family. We’re working to make sure people have more money in their pockets as the economy is turning back on,” she added.
“Thanksgiving 2021 could be the most expensive meal in the history of the holiday,” The New York Times reported in a story titled, “This Year’s Thanksgiving Feast Will Wallop the Wallet.”
“Nearly every component of the traditional American Thanksgiving dinner, from the disposable aluminum turkey roasting pan to the coffee and pie, will cost more this year, according to agricultural economists, farmers and grocery executives,” the Times reported. “Major food companies like Nestlé and Procter & Gamble have already warned consumers to brace for more price increases.”
NBC News recommended just eliminating the bird altogether — maybe serving ham and cheese sandwiches instead. NBC News also suggested charging family members for Thanksgiving Dinner.
“Perhaps forgo the turkey,” NBC News correspondent Vicky Nguyen said. “Bear with me. I know that is the staple of the Thanksgiving meal. However, some people think turkey is overrated. It tends to be the most expensive thing on the table. Maybe you do an Italian feast instead.”
Nguyen said if you tell guests you’re dumping the turkey, “some guests may drop off the list, and that’s a way to cut costs too.”
Can you imagine how that would play out?
“Alright granny – you had two slices of bologna, cornbread dressing with giblet gravy, cranberry sauce and sweet potato pie. Let’s see here – tax and tip – that’ll be $45.32. And Uncle Sal, you had an extra slice of the pecan pie. That’ll be $50 for you.”
“What in the name of Squanto are you talking about? You expect me to $45.21? For what?”
“Well, there’s an upcharge on the giblet gravy, granny. Cash or credit?”
NBC News failed to say what to do when granny comes after you with a cast iron skillet.
Christmas is just around the corner – and my new book makes a terrific stocking stuffer. Our Daily Biscuit – Devotions with a Drawl – available right now by clicking ToddStarnes.com
I’m Todd Starnes