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Thousands of Terrorists Have Private Parts Blown Off

The following is my opening monologue on Newsmax. Watch my daily show at 5 p.m. on YouTube Live and click here to follow my Rumble television channel.

Welcome to the Todd Starnes Show. I’m Todd Starnes. We begin tonight with a story straight out of a James Bond movie. Exploding terrorists across Lebanon.

Someone hacked into the Hezbollah paging system causing the devices to overheat and spontaneously explode across Lebanon. It was like a human Jiffy Pop.

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Nearly 4,000 Hezbollah terrorists were targeted in what their leaders are calling its biggest security breach in history.

There are unconfirmed reporters that the terrorists reportedly received text messages alerting them that 72 virgins were waiting. And then, “BOOM!”

Hospitals were filled with people suffering injuries to their hands, legs and eyes. A number of the pocket explosions were caught on surveillance video.

Iran state news reports their ambassador to Lebanon was wounded by one of the exploding pagers.

The Associated Press reports that groups of people were huddled in front of buildings to check on their loved ones. I sure hope they weren’t sending them text messages.

Lebanon’s state-run National News Agency reports the pager system was detonated using advanced technology.

Hezbollah is blaming Israel for the attack – but so far Israel has not responded. Maybe they should send them a text?

The State Department denied any American involvement in the attack – EXPLODING PAGERS — something right out of a James Bond movie.

By the way – do that many people still use pagers? Seems to me the terrorists would’ve upgraded to at least the iPhone 16.

BUT according to reports – Hezbollah ordered members to stop using cell phones over concerns that Israeli intelligence could track the devices.

The good news is that a lot of very bad terrorists no longer have fingers to pull triggers or hurl bombs. And in some cases – the terrorists no longer have a way to procreate. Their nether regions were blown to kingdom come.

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