President Trump made the most consequential announcement of his presidency. He is going to issue an executive order bringing back plastic straws.
The president announcing on Truth Social that he will roll back efforts made by former President Biden and the Democrats to embrace environmentally friendly paper straws.
“I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending the ridiculous Biden push for Paper Straws, which don’t work. BACK TO PLASTIC,” he wrote.
If signed, the order would impact state bans on plastic straws in California, Colorado, New York, Oregon and Rhode Island.
Paper straws made sipping a refreshing Dr. Pepper on a hot summer day next to impossible. And I’m all but positive it was a Communist plot to destroy our pursuit of happiness.
This one decision could all but guarantee President Trump an unprecedented third term in office.
Now, the tree huggers are no doubt going to flip their lid. They’re going to say such a policy is bad for environment and will downright suck. Which is exactly the point.
The American people will not only be able to suck – but we will also be able to sip and slurp – without having our straws turn into cardboard mush. Thank you, Mr. President, for making America slurp again.
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